Strategies to help you get the role you want

Today, I want to talk about something close to my heart— advocating for yourself. I grew up in Romania during communism, in an environment where people had little agency over their lives. It wasn’t all doom and gloom, but there was this implicit belief that there wasn’t much one could do to really go after what they really wanted.

Over the years, I became increasingly conscious of the agency I have over my choices, realizing it’s my responsibility to pursue what matters to me. It took years to unlearn habits like holding back from speaking up out of fear of judgment—a fear I held on a deep, subconscious level.

If you’d asked if I felt powerless, I’d have said—absolutely not. It was only after I shed those old beliefs that I realized I had been operating with a disempowered mindset.

Many of us grew up in households where feeling disempowered was the default. As we become intentional about advocating for ourselves, our kids witness what empowerment looks like in action.

And it’s so gratifying to see my daughters make their own decisions assuming that they have the power to do so. That’s a win right there, an implicit sense of personal power and freedom of choice that my grandmothers didn’t have.

In my coaching work, I’m often reminded of how much we tend to hold back. Whether it’s asking for a role we want, delegating, or speaking up when we are dismissed, advocating for ourselves is not easy.

For women leaders, especially those raised outside of the U.S. like myself, asking for what we want can feel not only uncomfortable and risky - it’s a foreign concept. I don’t mean at an intellectual level, but at an instinctual, energetic one.

Self-empowerment starts with asking yourself: “what do I really want?”. When you ask that question about your work, do you get clear answers? If nothing comes up, it’s a sign that deeper self reflection is needed.

Asking this question is a daily practice of getting clarity and a step toward no longer suppressing our needs and dreams.

"Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen" - Brené Brown

Two of my clients recently took courageous steps to clarify what they want and to advocate for themselves. Sharing their stories as powerful lessons on the art of self-advocacy👇🏼

✨ Client Story #1: The hesitant team lead

Recently, a client went through a team restructuring after her boss had just been promoted. She was the most qualified person to step up, but she hesitated, afraid of appearing overly ambitious and being judged.

I asked her to think objectively: What would an ideal leader in that role look like? What kind of team structure would best serve her team’s goals?

Sometimes this question helps us project the qualities we already have. My client saw that she fully embodied the ideal leader she described.

She committed in our session to meet with her boss. In her next 1:1 she shared her vision for the team, and also for herself. It takes so much courage to put ourselves out there in this way. She’s now following through on steps to formalize her new position 🎉

✨ Client Story #2: The overlooked leader

Another client faced a different challenge: her boss decided to hire someone above my client, without realizing that she wanted to step into that role. We had been working on her getting this promotion when this news came up, and she was crushed.

After we clarified her vision for the team, she approached her boss with a structured proposal for growth, including her own promotion and additional headcount.

To her surprise, her boss saw the value in promoting her instead. He actually apologized for not coming to her first —he had been too far removed to see my client’s impact, focused on other org priorities.

In both cases, advocating for their growth and sharing a clear, team-centered vision allowed my clients to step into roles they were ready to grow into. That’s a win-win 🏆

Regret for not advocating is common

Fear tends to create worst-case scenarios that keep us from advocating for ourselves. Without questioning our own automatic thinking, we end up playing it safe.

Research shows that leaders, especially women (check out this book on why women don’t ask), often regret not negotiating for higher pay or better opportunities when starting new roles, which compounded over time in a gender pay gap.

There is also research on “regrets of inaction” showing that we feel more long-term regret about actions we didn’t take than about things we did, even if we made mistakes. “People often fail to achieve their ideal goals because they’re worried about how it will look to others” wrote psychologist Tom Gilovich, author of “The Ideal Road Not Taken”.

Strategies to help you advocate for the role you want:

1. Define what’s needed objectively

List the qualities that make someone ideal for the role you want, for the team and the organization.

How to say it: “I’ve thought about what this team needs in a leader who can move us forward. Here’s how I envision that role, and how I believe I could contribute.”

2. Claim your desire with confidence

Let go of the expectation that others will recognize your potential. And remember, you can’t control the outcome. Use the conversation as an opportunity to practice influencing without authority, an important leadership skill.

How to say it: “I’m committed to helping the team succeed, and I believe this role would be a natural progression for how I’d like to expand my contribution.”

3. Release fear of being judged

Fear can make you feel “too ambitious,” but you’ve earned the right to ask for what is right for you.

How to say it: “I realize this role would push me to new levels, and I’m ready to take on that challenge.”

Learning to advocate for yourself is an ongoing practice, and each time you do, you strengthen your influence as a leader. This skill is not just about getting the role you want, but about showing up fully and purposefully in your day to day at work.

Here’s to asking for what you want, with confidence. You’re more ready than you might think.

With love and courage 🩷

Ramona

P.S. Want to make real progress right away, and address inner roadblocks to move your career forward? Book a free 30 mins session to see if we’re a good fit