Newsletter July '22 - REST AND SURRENDER
Hiya, magical human!
Sending you big hugs from my home office in sunny Santa Barbara. I just got back from traveling, I unpacked, and I’m excited to connect with you. Think of this one as a long summertime letter to you, my friend.
I hope your summer is going well, and that you got a chance to hit PAUSE this summer, to truly recharge.
Man, does it feel good to be rested! My mind is clear, I feel peaceful and content. I would have had a hard time imagining this level of energy before I went away in vacation. I’m grateful to be able to step away from the hustle, and am keenly aware that this sort of prolonged rest is not the norm.
Admittedly in the first couple of days after I arrived to my parents’ countryside house near Sibiu, my hometown, I was embarrassed to notice I was still on high alert, instinctively checking for meeting notifications. The contrast between the old world slow pace of the village and my entrepreneurial ‘get it done quick’ was painfully obvious to me.
The thing is, regularly practicing healthy boundaries between intense work (even the kind you LOVE to do) and restful time (long vacations, full evenings off of work), is not taught, socially modeled, or rewarded.
I know I’m preaching to the choir since I support most of you via coaching sessions, but it’s worth remembering that we owe it ourselves and those around us to take responsibility for our own health and wellbeing. Mental health is on a continuum and it’s in decline. But, it’s an addressable problem, and it’s up to each of us to help turn the tide.
I believe that resting is the next frontier of both wellbeing and personal development. Resting is a right and a privilege we all need to actively claim.
In nature there is no renewal and change without rest. And yet, giving ourselves the permission to rest is perhaps a radical endeavor. Awareness around the importance of resting is on the rise.
Speaking of resting and time off - my summer vacation read was Michael Singer’s The Surrender Experiment. Let me tell you, it blew my mind from the very beginning. I had heard him in an interview and was hooked by his energy.
Also, the idea of surrender was pretty out of field for me.
In coaching sessions, the concept of letting go vs. controlling is one of the most impactful tools for many leaders I coach.
The reason is simple enough - we know a lot about strategy and goals. We know very little about how to be fully at peace with whatever comes our way and ride the ups and downs of everyday life. We certainly are not taught how to surrender to the flow of life.
Wait, you might ask, are we supposed to surrender when things get tough?
Take a moment to think about a big event in your life, such as an accomplishment, or what you might call a ‘failure’. Say, for instance, a job that made all the difference in your career trajectory. You made a plan, you prepared as best you could, and then - you had to wait. There were many forces at play in making that happen - the subjective opinions of those who interviewed you (based on their own assumptions, values, beliefs, personal conditioning), their expectations and ability influence others, the experience of other candidates, etc. Realistically, beyond a certain point, the outcome (you getting the job) was not fully up to you.
Let that sink in.
Recognizing what falls in the ‘letting go’ category is as important as what falls in the ‘control’ zone. Obsessing over an outcome you really want but you can’t exactly get, getting frustrated with others who aren’t on board no matter how skillfully you try to influence them, or beating yourself up over things you couldn’t possibly control, are all a waste of your precious energy. And, frankly, a disfunction of the overused mind.
Michael Singer shares his life’s experience about radical surrender, and how fabulously far it took him, all while cultivating profound inner peace (ain’t THAT the ultimate goal we’re after?). While pursuing a life of solitude in the woods, life guided him to found a spiritual community, and to become the CEO of a billion-dollar medical software company.
“I just kept letting go and practicing nonresistance, whether I liked what was happening or not.
My formula for success was very simple: Do whatever is put in front of you with all your heart and soul without regard for personal results. Do the work as though it were given to you by the universe itself - because it was.”
- Michael Singer, The Surrender Experiment
This message made such a profound impact on me that I decided to start my own Surrender Experiment, just for fun, back in June (I love research and experiments!). The practice immediately led to some real inner shifts. For instance, to my surprise, I didn’t experience anger when my connecting flight from Vienna to Sibiu got cancelled and it meant “wasting” a day. Not just any day, but 1 day out of 7 that I had planned to dedicate to writing my book.
I had already been practicing meditation consistently for a while now to help me cope with some unexpected challenges on the teenage parenting front, so I wasn’t a total newbie to the practice of quieting my mind. Still, adopting the radical surrender mindset was undoubtedly a game-changer in bringing peace in my heart in the toughest moments.
“How could I possibly explain the great freedom that comes from realizing to the depth of your being that life knows what it's doing?”
- Michael Singer, The Surrender Experiment
If this feels inspiring, I encourage you to give it a try. None of us is exempt from riding life’s ups and downs. We might as well get skilled at riding life’s waves.
I believe that resting and surrendering are gigantically underrated tools for supporting both our wellbeing and our audacious goals. If you have already practice these, kudos to you. You are helping those around you more than you know.
Big hugs,
Ramona
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