Newsletter August '22 - RELEASE YOUR ENERGY DRAINERS

Hi, magnificent human!

Today I want to talk to you about ways to clean up shop, release some negativity, and allow more joy to take hold of your soul. Sounds interesting? Get comfortable. Let’s dig in.

Why talk about negativity? For one, it’s a universal issue. We all have it, and we don’t really learn how to deal with it. 

We get frustrated and triggered, and we push it all down. We get pretty good at avoiding uncomfortable situations and conflict. This skillful avoidance gets us into trouble though.

I hear every day in coaching sessions how this plays out at work:

• you go along with a client who keeps pushing you to do work that is clearly outside of your project scope, worrying that if you speak up you’ll upset them;

• you go along with a bossy colleague who convinces you their way is best when you’d rather explore a creative idea you had for a while;

• you want to take a few more vacation days but are worried that so-and-so at work might think you’re always on vacation.

The list goes on and on. You self-sabotage your own growth, fueled by your worries and fears, by assumptions you make and beliefs you hold.

You ruminate about and avoid addressing issues as they arise. You soak up negative energy which you then dump on others around you.

The good news is that the source of your negativity is also the source of your personal growth.

Each situation that causes your stomach to churn and your neck to be stiff is a real opportunity to stretch outside of your comfort zone and strengthen important EQ muscles (i.e. assertiveness, reality checking, empathy, self compassion)

Recently, a client said in a session something along the lines of:

“Things are dragging. I’m not excited about work. It’s draining me. I want things to change, but they are out of my control.”

You feel drained. Your body is alerting you to pay attention - you are waisting your precious, limited energy. It’s time to change your approach.

Let’s take the metaphor of cleaning up the house. It’s something I personally tend to subconsciously avoid, although I get really energized when I do it. I love me some Marie Kondo cleaning zen. 

Treat negativity like accumulated clutter in your house. Admit it’s there and then proceed to remove it - on a regular basis. You will find the process sparks joy :-)

So I invite you to declutter and clear up your mind of whatever negativity you feel. Please know that we all have negative thoughts and assumptions. We all tend to judge others, compare ourselves with others, etc.

The more you clean up house, the more clearly you think, and the less precious energy you waste.

Do this clean up daily! And keep a negative thoughts log if you’d like, so you get to know your go-to triggers. One of my clients absolutely swears by his judgement journal. It helped him get to know his tendencies and clean them up.

How should you release your negativity? By making a point to let it go, so you can flow through life.

STEP 1.

Take a deep breath, close your eyes, ground yourself with your feet on the floor. Notice your thoughts coming in.

What’s going on in there?

This question is like a broom that cleans up scattered trash you keep stepping over unconsciously.

What anxiety/frustration/worries come up, particularly about your work? What self judgement might be at play?

STEP 2.

Acknowledge 3 negative thoughts that drain you. For each, validate your feelings.

This could be “things are dragging and I feel that things are out of my control. It’s perfectly normal that I feel drained. Everyone experiences these feelings, they are part of being human”.

Take a deep breath in for a count of 4, exhale for 4. Repeat 3 times if that feels good.

STEP 3.

Gently release whatever you’ve been holding on to that needs to go.

Is it your desire to avoid conflict? Or your need for approval?

These things are perfectly normal stressors. You can intentionally release them energetically, even if just for this moment.

Photo credit: Haley Phelps, Unsplash

“Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

- Rumi

Think of removing your energy drainers as an act of self-love.

The thing is - we don’t even realize we avoid dealing with whatever self-defeating thoughts that drain us. It’s something we do instinctively, to protect ourselves.

You have good intentions. It’s totally natural, and we all do it. But, overly protecting yourself is not actually helping you.

So this is your task for the week ahead - find what drains your energy, and kindly make a point to deal with it.

Oh - one last thing.

How you do this matters. I invite you to release your negativity in a kind, loving way. Journal about it, reflect on it, talk to your coach or therapist about it. Just don’t ignore it, nor dump it on others.

Big hugs,

Ramona

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PPS. Interested in individual coaching, or training for your team? Schedule a quick discovery session to discuss your needs.

Hi, I’m Ramona, a high-impact professional executive coach with a track record of empowering leaders become more impactful and more satisfied. I coach leaders at Google, Facebook, UC Berkeley, Capital One, Salesforce, Skim, Warner Brothers, and several non-profit organizations.

I’m a certified Emotional Intelligence trainer and Master Practitioner of Energy Leadership(TM).

Prior to becoming a coach I was a marketing research leader in tech (Twitter, eBay, Levi's). I started freelancing in 2015 to explore a career change, launched a self-funded research project on happiness, which led to later creating my signature Inside Out Leadership model.

I’m passionate about deep inner growth and personal agency, which I believe are key in making the world a better place. I was born and raised in Transylvania, Romania.