TRANSFORMATION (part 1)

Years ago I would drag my feet to my old corporate job, my body smarter than my brain. Part of me knew that I needed to fulfill my responsibility as an adult and parent, and keep pushing through as everyone around me did, so I did my absolute best to focus and excel at my very well paid job.

There was another part of me though, who didn’t buy this line of reasoning, who saw through it for it really was - an excuse. It wasn’t that I wasn’t working hard enough or smart enough. Part of me knew that I simply didn’t take seriously the idea that I might be wasting my time in that job, because I haven’t solved the puzzle of ME. This left key pieces of me loose, disconnected.

I didn’t know what I would rather do, had no clue about my own happiness. Because when you work hard all your life, from school to college to masters like I did, you’re pushing like a bull to get ahead and make all that education and effort amount to something that can lift you from being dependent on your parents or debts, into being a responsible adult who can afford vacations and restaurants and a nice home.

There is a clear, safe path that everyone can follow to get those things. But where it gets really tricky, is when you find yourself dragging your feet like I did, rather than being excited about heading to work on the first working Monday of the year. Shouldn’t you feel excited about what’s ahead? All those things you could create this year? So what do you do when you have an increasingly crowded soul, with no room for breathing or hope, let alone happiness?

It was around this exact time, 5 years ago, when I realized that life is real, that it’s passing, and that I’m made for a whole lot more than that job. That enough is enough. That I’ve gone as far as I could on that old path and that I was ready to try something new, adventurous. I didn’t really have a plan, because when you decide it’s time to make a change all you need is your desire to allow yourself the freedom to just be, to take a good look at what you’re made of. Your soul always knows what’s next.

Yes, you will feel self doubt. Yes, you'll worry you might fail. Yes, some of your friends will think you’re making a stupid move. That’s exactly how it’s supposed to feel at the start of a transformation. It's not pretty nor comfortable to walk away from the conventional path, to get back to square one, to start fresh on an unknown, authentic path. The key is to keep going, letting your soul be in charge. Will you figure it out? For sure. Will you fail? Maybe. Will you regret taking this new path? Probably not. But will you regret never trying? Absolutely, one hundred percent, YES.