Why We Say One Thing and Do Another
A few years ago, I found myself in a moment that changed everything.
I had been pushing myself to the limit, regularly working late. I remember one evening, sitting at my desk, exhausted, wondering: Is this really what running a business and doing work I love is supposed to feel like?
Something had to change. After all, I had left my corporate career to create a more balanced life—not to hustle endlessly. Yet, despite being my own boss, I was working just as much as I had in corporate. My old workaholic patterns had followed me.
What I realized was disheartening: I had changed my work, but I hadn’t changed the way I worked.
Deep down, I feared that slowing down meant falling behind—that I’d never catch up to an invisible, ever-moving target. I was stretched so thin that I wasn’t giving my best to anything—not my business, not my relationships, not even myself.
"50% of change is awareness." – Sonja Lyubomirsky, The How of Happiness (one of my favorite books!)
That realization was the turning point. Slowly, everything started to shift.
I made it a habit to check in with myself, soothe my inner critic, and work from a place of self-compassion, clarity, and ease.
I got myself a good therapist and hired a coach. I joined a mastermind of other solopreneurs for accountability and inspiration.
I made changes to who I worked with and when. It wasn’t overnight, but the tangible results followed.
The gap between what we want and how we live
Brené Brown writes in Daring Greatly about the gap between our aspirational values (what we say we believe in) and our lived values (how we actually behave).
Here’s what this often looks like for high-achieving leaders:
You say you want more balance, but you struggle to set boundaries and work late every night.
You say you want to grow your career, but you keep postponing applying for new roles out of fear of rejection.
You say you want to be intentional about where you put your energy, but you don’t evaluate your calendar and keep saying yes to unproductive meetings.
This pattern is called cognitive dissonance—the psychological tension that arises when our actions contradict our beliefs or desires. It happens because our conditioning and unhelpful beliefs unconsciously override our conscious intentions, keeping us stuck in old patterns.
The key is having the courage to gently examine where this gap exists—because this is where real work begins: making choices that align with what matters most.
