How to set goals you will actually achieve - Newsletter Jan '23
How to set goals you will actually achieve
Hi, happy new year!
I’m so excited to connect with you this sunny January afternoon!
How is your January going so far? What new dreams, directions, hopes, do you have for 2023?
Did you set new year’s resolutions?
I asked this question to the participants in the IOLA program I just wrapped up teaching at two different organizations last week. Only a few people raised their hand. I asked the others - why not?
“I used to set resolutions but I haven’t been able to achieve them in the past” someone said. “It seems like a relatively random thing to set resolutions at the beginning of the calendar year” said another.
I wasn’t too surprised. Resolutions seem to have lost some of their steam. We also tend to resist big changes and lean on the side of being cynical about our ability to follow through.
Yet we all want to make 2023 our best one yet (why not?!) - we want to feel less stressed at work, feel more confident and assertive, grow our career or business, have better relationships.
The issue with resolutions is that we have a hard time following through on the long run. We’re wired to avoid hard things. And we don’t do well with delayed gratification.
I love new beginnings, and I believe transformation is always possible. So why not get pumped, and start fresh at the beginning of the year?
Instead of annual resolutions, consider setting daily intentions.
My personal intention is to slow down and move more mindfully. It’s one of those metta ways of operating that I am working on adopting. I want to be more thoughtful in how I react in difficult situations, be more intentional in how I show up, so I can live my life in harmony with my values.
If I’m really honest with myself, I can commit to slowing down just for today. Taking it one day at a time feels more realistic to me than committing for an entire year. And - if I’m able to recommit every day, I’ll have 365 days of mindful, intentional living.
When you set an annual resolution what you’re actually doing is creating an aspirational vision for who you want to be. You are connecting to a higher version of yourself.
At the beginning of the year, there is this unique, beautiful energy of endless possibility. Maybe this will be the year for that big change you’ve been craving.
Back at the beginning of 2016, I set a lofty goal - to interview people about what makes them happy (this is actually what later led to discovering coaching) and write a book about my findings.
Looking back, I realize it’s no wonder I didn’t achieve it. Writing a book is difficult even for established writers. I had never taken classes or gotten coached on how to write a book. I never really set myself up for success.
I would write for a while and feel good about myself. Then - plot twist - work and family responsibilities take over; life happens. Soon enough I’d hear myself think - I think I’m not meant to write a book. And I’d stop writing. This vicious cycle repeated over and over.
Like my teen daughter said to me recently, looking at me with a mix of superiority and mock empathy when I got mad with her for some chore she didn’t do - “there is a better way”.
There is a better way. To set yourself to follow through on your goals, here is a two-phased framework you can use instead.
Phase 1. CREATE YOUR PERSONAL VISION
“There is no favorable wind for the sailor who doesn’t know where to go”.
- Seneca, I sec. AD
I’m proposing you approach the visioning process by mindfully connecting with what really matters to you, so you are clear what you want and where you’re headed.
Over the years, I’ve tried many different ways to set a vision, and I discovered first hand that the best way to do this is actually by meditating. I know - meditating is not easy. If you’re ready to stretch this year, I encourage you to try this:
Set 3-5 mins of relaxation, breathing, getting quiet and present.
Connect deeply with that place in your heart that loves to dream up big ideas. Tune in to your intuition and listen.
Set 15 mins to journal. Reflect on your vision for the year from that quiet, hopeful place. What is your highest aspiration for your life and work this year?
Your vision is WHAT you want to orient yourself toward this year. It serves as your personal guide, connecting you to your intrinsic motivation. It will stoke the fire in your heart, your desire to keep moving.
It might sound like “I want to feel confident and inspired by my work this year” or “I want to be more present in conversations, to listen more” or “I want to find a job where I can feel truly fulfilled.”
Last week, a client articulated her vision so beautifully - “I want to come up with a new operating model of work and life, to live and work according to my values.”
Isn’t that powerful? I was so inspired. We’ve been working together for about 18 months on revamping her busy life as a busy leader at a large corporation.
I recommend that you review your vision statement frequently. Share it with your friends. Post it on your desktop, write it on your bathroom mirror.
Phase 2. SET S.M.A.R.T. GOALS
Now that you have your vision statement ready, and you know what you want this year, it’s time to set yourself up for success, so you can honor your vision and follow through.
First step is to make your goals specific, and having a clear, detailed, measurable pathway for exactly what we’ll do, to remove friction.
James Clear wrote that voter turnout increased when people were asked to create plans by answering questions like: “What route are you taking to the polling station? What time are you planning to go?”
For this reason, I recommend blocking your calendar for a specific task rather than just adding a task to your to do list (I’ll share more productivity tips in an upcoming newsletter). That will also make you decide how long the task might take and what time of day you might be able to do it.
Next, you want to make sure your goals are achievable this year.
The issue is, especially when our vision is aspirational and super inspiring, we tend to set overly ambitious goals. The change we crave is so big that it feels overwhelming. So we subconsciously become anxious, and we become very skilled at avoiding doing it.
The more important the dream, the higher the inner resistance, writes Steven Pressfield in The art of war. No wonder we feel anxious about our big vision and avoid taking action.
I noticed in coaching sessions this pattern - no matter how many achievements you’ve amassed, the moment you go to the next level and aim for something you want but haven't done before, you arrive at the edge of our comfort.
You trigger the reptilian brain that wants more than anything to keep you safe. Which may sound something like this:
What do I have to offer that others haven’t already? What do I have to say that hasn’t been said before? Who do I think I am to try to do this? Others are so much better than me. If I was any good I would have done it by now. Etc. Etc.
Call it Resistance. Or your Inner Critic. Or a version of the Imposter Syndrome. It’s important that you give it a name. Because in doing so, you are not fully identifying with it.
Here’s another unexpected twist in the way our psyche opposes real transformation - when something we want feels out of reach, we might downplay its importance. We have a psychological defense mechanism that helps us feel better about the way things are, regardless of how uncomfortable or unfulfilling they might be.
So I propose…
Set your 2023 stretch goals in that Goldilocks zone. Make them not too big, not too small, just right. Goals you truly believe you are capable of achieving this year. You might even surpass them.
Lastly - add a timeline next to your goals.
When do you want to achieve your goal? Set up a detailed timeline. What do you need to see happen 6 months from now to ensure you’re on track to reach your goal by year-end? What do you need to see happen 3 months from now? What about a month from now? What about each day?
To summarize - here is the handy S.M.A.R.T. framework to help you set your goals.
SPECIFIC - Name exactly what you want to accomplish
MEASURABLE - Set milestones to measure progress toward your goal
ACHIEVABLE - Believe you can accomplish your goal
RELEVANT - Connected to your vision, motivation, genius zone, values
TIMELINE - Create a clear time frame for achieving your goal.
Using this framework, my old unachievable goal to ‘write my book this year’ became: “Schedule 30 minutes to write at least a paragraph every morning before I start work.” That is super clear and feels doable. I blocked my calendar and I’m committed.
Your goals are the seeds you plant in the garden of your life. They will soon sprout and blossom before you know it.
Remember - when (not if) you stray off your goals, come back to them with a gentle energy. Allow yourself to feel the fear and uncertainty that new goals will bring along.
Hold your own hand compassionately when that happens. Just as you would help a child on their first day of school. “Yes, you’re feeling a bit afraid. No wonder you feel that way, you’ve never done this before. Everyone feels afraid on their first day of school. Just do your best and I bet it’ll be better than you think.”
I am wholeheartedly cheering you on.
If you are ready for professional coaching support with your or your team’s goals this year, please reach out. I’m just a click away.
I’m ready to onboard a few ambitious new clients this month. Whether your goal is to get promoted, get a new job, or grow your small business, I got you.
Book a free discovery session here.
Big hugs,
Ramona
