::: THE HAPPINESS PRACTICE SERIES ::: PART 2

::: PART 2: Mind your mindset :::

At a pretty young age, we begin to form an opinion of who we think we are. Our personal opinion of us is influenced by so many things, starting with our family's opinions and labels they put on us, our friends, teachers, our personality traits, personal experiences, the society and culture we grew up in, and so on.

My kids are ages 10 and 14, and as a researcher I notice real time (sometimes painfully) how they begin to form an opinion of who they think they are, and what they're good at. I'm not good at math. I am good at guitar. She's so much more creative/smart than me. I can see how they form an opinion of who they are relative to others, the role they play in our family, in their group of friends, their class in school.

That's the age around which we all began to notice that some people are better than us at sports or school, and that opinion is reinforced by our teachers' or parents' remarks. We form an entire web of personal beliefs, many of which we're unaware of. Those beliefs have a profound effect on actions and choices we make, and made us who we are today. Even the simplest of beliefs - such as this is good, and this is bad, or I'm good at this, or I'm not good at this, shape our life in significant ways.

I was surprised to learn that human qualities such as intelligence or happiness can be learned. Also, surprisingly, the guy who invented the IQ test (Alfred Binet), believed that "strong differences in people's backgrounds, experiences, and training, or ways of learnings" influence people's intelligence. In one of his major books called Modern Ideas about Children, Binet said "with practice, training, and above all, method, we manage to increase our attention, our memory, our judgement, and literally become more intelligent than we were before."

Same applies to happiness my friends, I will argue, after researching and seeing numerous examples of around me and in my own experience. The hand we're dealt is just the starting point. Research by now famous Sonja Lyubomirsky (I love her book The How of Happiness) shows that we have a set point for happiness, sort of like a set point for weight.

Of course, each of us start with different strengths and inclinations. Some people are blessed with a happy inclination, just like some have a skinny disposition, while others have to work hard to stay happy or to maintain their weight. Yet that natural inclination only accounts for about 50% of what we're capable of. The other half is something we can control and build with intention and knowledge. This shift in emphasis can make it possible to be happier almost immediately.

I think this is a good place to stop for a moment.

Do you believe that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate with intention, effort, and discipline? Do you really believe this is true?

If you do, you have a GROWTH MINDSET, according to Stanford professor Carol Dweck. "A person's true potential is unknowable; it's impossible to foresee what can be accomplished with years of passion, toil, and training" she writes in her famous book Mindset (which I absolutely love and highly recommend to all you happiness geeks out there!). Apparently - surprise! - Darwin and Tolstoy were considered ordinary children.

The way to get started on cultivating the growth mindset is simple - we focus on what we love and on our strengths, rather than our weaknesses. We don't hide our weaknesses, we overcome them.

The way to practice happiness is similar. We begin to focus on stretching our happiness muscle, and sticking to this idea and practice, even (or especially) when things aren't going well. This is what I call the HAPPINESS MINDSET. This is the mindset that allows for some people to thrive and be happy, even in the most challenging times. Which brings me to this week's happiness practice.

:: WEEK 2 EXERCISE ::
Reflect on your personal beliefs about your abilities, qualities, your personality and character. Reflect on your ability to be happy in particular. As in last week's exercise, I recommend that you write answers to the questions below by hand, in your personal journal.

- Take a look at your own conditional beliefs. Are there some ways in which you have been taught to accept a life that is less than your best? Or do you believe that you have the power to change your situation? Do you believe you have the power to change your habits, your circumstances, your beliefs? Stay for a moment in a place of suspension, where you put your preconditioned attitudes aside for awhile. Dwell in uncertainty, and, when you're ready, start asking what beliefs and habits might better serve you. 
- How can you reframe and think differently about a challenging situation you're in right now? Something you might even consider giving up on, because it's so hard. What can you learn from it, and how can you grow as person as a result?
- What else can you reframe about your way of thinking? What are self-limiting beliefs you have about what you can and cannot do? Is there something you believe you can't do right now but keep thinking about it for months or even years?
- Think about someone you know who is skilled in the happiness mindset - someone who understands that important qualities can be learned. Think about ways that person (maybe one of your role models?) confront obstacles, failures, or even tragedies that happened to them. What are some ways you might like to change or stretch yourself?

WHY THIS EXERCISE
Because we all have the opportunity to practice and strengthen our happiness muscle.

Because it's important to stretch ourselves, and grow. Challenges, failures, hopes, and inner desires are our teachers. When we open up our soul and our mind, we get rid of inner tensions, of our egos, and of our own self-limiting tendencies.

:: WEEK 2 MANTRA ::

For those inclined to practice a mantra, here is a reflection for this week
... I may not have unlimited power, but I hold the power to change the way I think about myself and my situation. I look not just to adapt myself to a cruel fate, but, through the power of my own will, I can become one with the divine fire in me...

#happiness #practice #newyear #awareness #powertochange#powerofmindset