When your Achiever and your Dreamer want different things
In my last newsletter, we explored what it means to finally be honest with ourselves—that something needs to change.
But once that truth is named, the next stage is often the hardest. Because now it’s about navigating the uncertainty of what comes next.
The Certainty Trap
When you’ve spent years doing all the “right” things and following a conventional path, it can feel terrifying to step away. Thoughts like these often come up:
“You’ve worked too hard for this. You can’t throw it away.”
“You’re not the entrepreneur type.”
“You’re not built for risk.”
It’s easy to mistake these thoughts as self-doubt or a critical inner voice. But more often than not, they’re signals from our nervous system—doing its job to keep us safe by resisting the unknown.
From a neuroscience perspective, our brains are wired to seek certainty. It’s part of how the brain protects us. The unknown, no matter how exciting or full of potential, can trigger the same stress response as danger.
This is why fear can feel so convincing. It’s not just mental—it’s biological.
A Conflict Between Parts
What makes this even more complex is that we aren’t one unified voice. We’re a system of parts, each with its own agenda.
Many of us have an inner Achiever—the part that values stability, recognition, and results. That part usually keeps us on track. It protects our progress. It often seeks safety through control, financial security, and external validation. And it’s skeptical of anything that feels too uncertain or impractical.
Then there’s another part—the Dreamer—who wants something completely different: freedom, authenticity, self-expression, a deeper sense of purpose, and a more easy-going day-to-day life.
When these two parts are in conflict, it can feel like we’re stuck, unable to move forward because there’s no plan that satisfies both.
And often, the Dreamer gets silenced in favor of what seems “practical” or “realistic.”
But real alignment doesn’t come from silencing part of ourselves. It comes from integration.
Making Space for All Parts
As Dr. Richard Schwartz writes in No Bad Parts:
“All parts are welcome. All parts are trying to help. When we relate to our parts with curiosity and compassion rather than judgment, transformation becomes possible.”
When we stop treating fear or doubt as enemies—and start listening with compassion—something powerful happens.
When all parts are allowed to collaborate, something new emerges: a path that is both practical and aligned. That honors both safety and soul. Where purpose and prosperity can coexist.
You don’t need a perfect plan to move forward.
Just an honest conversation with yourself—all parts of you.
A New Compass
For me, seven years into a career I adore, I still wrestle with those voices. I still have days where my inner Achiever/Skeptical tries to make ‘realistic’, fear-based choices.
That part of me still longs for certainty. I still doubt myself. My inner Dreamer has lots of great ideas, not all of which are doable right now.
But I’ve learned to manage those parts of me better, with more compassion. I learned to override the inner skeptic’s usual: “What if this fails?”. Instead, I ask:
“What do I want to experience in this next chapter?”
When I ask that question, things soften. I get clear on what truly matters—not what looks good or feels safe, but what feels true to my heart right now.
If you’re at a crossroads—torn between what’s practical and safe and what’s emerging—try this reflection practice.
Take 10–15 minutes and let two parts of you write to each other.
Let your Achiever go first. What does she want to accomplish? What is she afraid might happen if you slow down or change direction?
Then let your Dreamer respond. What does she long for? What kind of life or work feels aligned with her values and desires?
Let it be honest. You might be surprised by the clarity that emerges when both voices are given space to speak.
The Truth I Keep Returning To
You don’t have to silence the part of you that strives, who wants results, progress, and certainty.
And you don’t have to keep postponing the part of you that’s ready for change—even if it doesn’t seem practical.
Let them speak vulnerably. Let them collaborate. Listen with deep compassion.
And let your next chapter begin not with the perfect plan (which doesn’t exist, btw), but with truth.
With love,
Ramona
P.S. If this resonates and you’re navigating your own inflection point, I offer a few discovery sessions each month. If you'd like space to hear yourself more clearly—and explore what a new chapter could look like—you can schedule a session HERE.
